Easy Does It

My big walk today was to the cabin. The temperature is 1 degree. The snow is ankle high and dropping into my shoes. But don't let that description fool you into thinking it was miles of fun. My cabin is about 15 yards out of my back door.

I stood out there, amidst my books, favorite pencils, inspiring writer-ly quotes and longed for the days of spring and summer...and fall when I can be an actual writer in the writer's cabin. But for now, the thought of heat draws me back into the house. It is easier to be inspired when warm.

I remember one summer day, when I took my Underwood typewriter out onto the porch of the cabin and began to write a complaint to God. Honestly, I was tired of being in the great big pool of humanity and as such, being loved via the group. God so loved the world.

I wanted the scripture to say, "God so loved Cindy, and only her, because she is His favorite..." Of course, these are not words you say out loud in your Bible study group. They are certainly not ones I confess to my friends, or family, or clients, or strangers. Well, maybe strangers because they don't know enough about me to be tempted to judge me.

Is that too much to ask? To be uniquely known and loved? Sure, I know the words from the pulpit. But I'd like to feel it, I'd like to see it, I'd like to live in it. So, you know what I did? Since no one knew I was feeling this way, then no one would know if I decided to do something about it. I decided to pretend that it was true. Make up little scenarios in my mind, about Him and me.

And guess what, pretty soon, they were coming true, and in this real world, I was experiencing them. Warm, inspiring, and constant. He likes the cabin as much as I do, we sit out there together and write. He likes to walk with me, we have so much to talk about. He likes that I listen. He likes it when I am warm.